The Brighter Side To Suffereing
by Amaya Hitomi 253
Summary: Sequel to Infected. Ichigo has made some mistakes and now he must pay for them. RENXICHI, ICHIXOMC Angst Yaoi [[2 shot]] [[songfics]]
1. The Brighter Side Of Suffering

The Brighter side of suffering

By:amayahitomi

Genre: Angst

Unviverse:Bleach

Spoilers: I saw about 4 episodes, all I knoew comes from zaxel and wikipedia. No spoilers

Warnings: A/U, Slash, Angst

A/N: No longer for Zaxel, the sequel to Infected. It's for Aslyn-san, though she won't read it. Please comment. Huggles!

**Chapter one**

I swear that if I could  
I'd take it all

I know I shouldn't. But the feeling of his hands on my body just makes me weak in the knees. It makes me quiver in aching need. Need that Renji just didn't instill in my body. Sure what Renji did to me was exquisite, but nothing could be as tantalizingly delicious as the sweet, soft, and careful fucking that came from Grimjow. You'd never guess that this arrancar could give passion a soft touch but he was slow, painfully so in his ministrations.

take it all away  
all the sorrow and the pain

I can feel his lips as he traces the scar painfully littering my body. His hands are cold just like Renji's. But his eyes are what set him apart from the red haired shinigami. His eyes are pure black dots outlined in bright blue. They are dilated with pure lust. They were like ice swirling with desire. While Renji's were like fire burning every piece of my core, these were freezing and I'm not sure which I like more. My eyes catch movement. In this abandoned building I thought was empty. I can see Red eyes narrow. My heart skips a beat but I cannot stop the wonderful feelings on my body.

i'm not responsible  
you always say

I toss my head back in a groan. Grimjow's feathery touch ghosting over my abdomen sending anticipated shivers down my spine. My eyes are drawn back to the red ones. They were slits, narrow with hate. Burning with hate. Hating everything I'm doing. Every gasp, every moan. He hates them, I can't blame him either. I'd hate them too if I was in his shoes.

_but you need your space  
and this always ends the same_

I don't want Grimjow to stop, I clutch his blue hair and hold him in place shivers run down my spin. His name is ripped from my throat no matter how much I so don't want it to. I don't want renji to hear the desperation in my voice, the pleading. The last thing I need is for Renji to hear the anxiety in my voice. I turned down his offer to play, just thirty minutes ago, in my rush to meet Grimjow here. I told him I needed air, it was innocent, and true the air that was pulsing it's way through my lungs gave me a sort of clear headedness, but it far from innocent. My eyes wandered over to where my tattooed lover stood, his eyes met mine, they promised punishment, the promised pain. I wasn't sure whether to feel worried or horny, I settled for a calm median, anticipatory.

hey, is your heart still beating?  
I can't stop the bleeding

_I've lost you completely_

When I arrive to the place I call home. The place Renji and me shared. I shiver as I pass our room, memories and ghostly pain run rampant through me. I can hear the water running in the bathroom. I walk towards it, it was the shower. Trust Renji to assuage all his feelings in a shower. I want heartily to go in there, be gathered into his arms, and brutally pounded into tile. I know that that will not be an option tonight. If ever. So I just sat, sat and waited to incur the wrath of a spiteful shinigami. I wasn't let down. He walked out, hair deep as the blood he loved so much, dripping with water. He was wrapped in a towel, Red also. He didn't even spare me a glance. It hurt. I followed him to the bedroom and watched his tattooed form disappear into clothes. I was itching to say something, anything, but witty retorts were lost, lost in the anticipation of waiting for his reaction.

_**SLAM!**_

I wince something pitiful. Even though the book didn't hit me it passed so close to my ear it might as well have. Another book came flying somewhere near my head. A hakama soon whizzed pass me too, more to follow. Various articles of clothing, and most of my belongings were being thrown at me. The next thing surprised me the most.

"Go" He muttered so softly I had to strain to hear it. I feel as if a large weight had been placed upon me. I want to crumple to my knees, my own stubborn being the only thing holding me up. It was the most painful thing imagined. He told me to leave. It was worse than every pain he's ever inflicted on me, and he knew it too.

_hey, gather all the heartache  
I'll hold it in my hand  
just to lose it all again_

I wander around, not really paying attention to where I'm going. I can't feel anything. I'm so numbed. Never in my escapades with Grimjow had I ever though that it would end my life with Renji, I didn't even expect to get caught. But here I am homeless. Here I am alone.

-end-


	2. The City Sleeps in Flames

_Chapter2: The city sleeps in flames_

_This is our last chance,_

_to make things right_

It's been months; I've crawled back to Renji many times only to have the door slammed in my face. Now he won't even answer the door. He won't acknowledge that I was even a part of his life. He spends all his time with Kuchike who I'm starting to hate. For all his glaring attempt to keep me away from Renji. Doesn't he understand that I need him? I've had various rendezvous with Grimjow, I guess I never really learn, every time it seems that Renji's fire red eyes were burning into my skin, into my soul. I miss him. I miss his red hair, the harsh word he spoke to me with their underlying love, I want him back. I will have him back.

_A world lost forever_

_Tonight, tonight, tonight, tonight!_

_Lets try to find a place to sleep,_

I drag myself back to my once home. The home where my once lover now lived, holed up unless he was working. My whole life was in that house. I gave up my family for this, for him. He could at least hear me out. He had to listen Damn it. I drug up a hand to knock on the door. I 'm hesitant. What if it ends like last time, what if he doesn't open. I knock, gathering all the shit they called courage, everything Renji had called foolish. I can hear movement just beyond the door; I was surprised when it opened.

_it's going on days, that we've been awake!_

_A sadness that I've never seen_

I can see his eyes; it was the first thing I saw. They were red as freshly spilt blood, and rimmed in red of strained blood vessels. He'd been crying. It was heart wrenching to see him in such a state. He's usually so hot headed, so stubborn, so in control. He never let anything affect him. He never let something get so far under his skin.

"What?" He asked, voice gravely and strained. He wouldn't look at me, it hurt deeply, and I couldn't stop myself from sliding down to the grounds onto my knees.

"I'm so sorry Renji" I mutter his head just turned away and he walked away from the door, leaving it ajar, admitting me entrance into the home, the house because this house couldn't be a home with out the happiness we had once shared.

_I said your name, and you, looked the other way_

I follow the familiar path from the front door to the couch. He is seated there, staring at the wall blankly. I watch him. He had his back stiff and up straight, he was poised for formal elegance, something he must have learned from Byakuya, He never did that when I was around. He didn't need to. I knew all of his quirks and odd habits. I knew his facial expressions, I knew him… I was his and he was mine. That's how it went. And as sappy as that must be it was true and the fact that he isn't letting me in was weighing on me. I dropped down in an armchair. His eyes reach mine. They were on fire, burning with intense feeling. Betrayal first and foremost.

"What the fuck do you want Kurosaki?" He growled at me. I flinch and his harsh tone. So alien coming from my loves mouth, his delicate mouth that worked lovely moans from my person, and the mouth that tortured me so pleasantly, it was cold with an Icy chill. It was frozen and it cut me down to my core.

_Because these are my last words_

_And this is my last breath_

"I've come to apologize. I know what I did—"

"Save it" His gravely, harsh whisper interrupted me. I flinched again. I looked at him, his eyes had turned hard, like cut rubies, glittering gently in the light. He was staring at me, like he was assessing a difficult hollow and was trying to figure the best way to get rid of it. The thoughtful though disappeared quickly. "I don't want to hear a word that comes from the tainted little throat of yours."

"That's not fair," I belt out, knowing that in all truth it was, it was what I get.

"Fuck what's fair and what's not. You did what you did and you are in no way sorry for it." He replied losing all feeling in his voice. It was empty, devoid of anything. I want to cry.

" I am Renji… I miss you—" I was once again cut off.

"No, you miss my bed, my comfort, my torture, but you don't miss me."

"I do, what can I do to prove it?" his eyes turn to me slowly. His head followed in and even slower pace. It was creepy. The hole in my heart however, was just too much to really care. At least he was looking t me. At least he was speaking words again.

_I'd give you everything_

_if there was something left_

"Prove it?" he asked a humorless laugh echoing through the empty house. The remains of my heart were begging to shatter. The very foundations of my existence were crumbling right from under me. I can't let him go. Not like this, there is no way I'm giving up.

"Yea, there must be something I can do." I was grasping at straws now. Gripping on ruins of what was supposed to be. I need that red haired shinigami back by my side.

"I want you to die—"

_I have nothing left to prove_

_And I will live with my regrets_

I gasp, tears spilling from my eyes; if I weren't already sitting I wouldn't have fallen to the floor in sobs. Why was he doing this to me? When must he hurt me so.

"I want you to feel what you did to me. I want you to hurt." I watch him. My tears making him blurry to the point I just couldn't see him. He was a swirl of undistinguishable colors.

"Really" I breathe.

"No" he sighed. He stood and walked to our room. He returned to the living room. Box cutter in his hands. I felt anticipation burn in the pit of my stomach. "Off with the shirt Ichigo"

I oblige, I don't want to keep him waiting, I can't particularly wait for what Renji would do to me. I can feel the sharp and cool steel against my naked skin. My back quivers and the cool knife slashes into my lower stomach.

_I'd give you everything_

_if there was something left!_

I can tell I'm bleeding, I know it, but it's not the same as when I'm usually on the receiving end of Renji's box cutter. No this time it was pain, indescribable pain, so unlike the loving touch I usually got from him. He was carving words into my body. He suddenly pulls the box cutter away. He picks me up and dumps me on his door step. And slams the door. He opens it once more…

"Thanks for curing my obsession Ichigo." He shut the door softly this time, in finality. I can see the words on my stomach.

"Bleeding whore.." I drag myself crying and stumbling away from Renji' door. The loss of blood wasn't getting to me; it was the loss of spirit. Renji has left me, for good this time. I had nothing left.

_Because these are my last words_

_And this is my last breath_

_I'd give you everything_

_but I've got nothing left_

_-end-_


End file.
